7 steps to better mentoring for life and career: Many 'positive benefits'

Mentorship relationships are some of the most important in a person’s life. 

Mentors can be personal, professional or both — but these individuals consistently offer feedback and counsel, wisdom and perspective.

The business literature shows that mentorship has positive benefits on individuals and leads to better company employee retention and satisfaction, profit and a host of other benefits.

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Yet only 37% of people feel they have a mentor — and most don’t have more than one, despite the obvious benefits. 

More than 70% of leaders say mentorship played a key role in their success. 

In my case, I find that I’m consistently improved by having 5 to 7 mentors in my life at any given time — peers and those senior to me. 

The ability to talk through things with them can be transformative.

But it can be hard to get started. So here are seven simple steps to developing more and better professional mentors in your life.

1. Identify those you admire

The very first thing you can do to develop mentors is to make a list of 15–20 people you admire. Think broadly at this stage, but make it people that you know directly or to whom you are meaningfully connected (through a mutual friend, for example). 

The list might include your rabbi or pastor, a parent, a best friend, an older sibling, a person serving on a board with you, a teacher or professor (current or former), or especially a colleague at work. 

Identifying a mentor who is professionally useful to you, but whom you don’t respect or admire, is likely to leave the relationship wanting. 

Yet finding someone for whom you have authentic respect and with whom you enjoy conversations can keep things energized and fresh.

2. Assess whether they can be helpful 

Some of the people on your list may be remarkable friends and counselors, but may not be able to speak into your professional situation. 

For example, you may admire your father and mother, but they may not have a real grasp of your professional life. Similarly, a religious leader may be an excellent personal counselor but have limited perspective on your work. 

"Narrow your list to those most helpful."

Of the 15–20 people you identify, perhaps half will be amazing personal relationships but unlikely professional mentors. 

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Your mentors don’t have to work in your company or even in your field. Many of my most valued mentors have worked as professors, at law firms, or in public service — all very different spheres from me. 

But those individuals knew business leadership, entrepreneurship, personal character or the contours of my companies and industries well. Many have worked directly in my company or industry. 

Narrow your list to those most helpful.

3. Pursue diverse perspectives 

You should likely have a mentor in the company in which you work (unless you are the CEO). You should likely have a few more in your industry — if not your company — who are close enough to your day-to-day decisions to advise on them. 

But you should also seek people outside your immediate professional orbit (like the lawyers, professors and public servants I’ve turned to) who can offer perspective and distance from your day-to-day. 

This helps with objectivity. It can also be valuable should you seek to transition or to navigate a problem new to your industry on which outsiders might have a fresher perspective. 

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You should also consider more conventional types of diversity in the people from whom you seek advice. The point of mentorship is perspective and wise counsel. Those things rarely happen in a bubble.

4. Seek apprenticeship first

The best mentorship is apprenticeship. 

As a young consultant at McKinsey & Company, I found that my most important mentors were managers and partners on my teams. They got to see my work closely, and I got to observe them day-to-day. 

Mentorship conversations were natural — daily or weekly — and happened in the context of us advocating for and working with one another. 

Today, I am blessed with a number of business partners, each of whom does something better than me, whom I can observe real time to learn from them, and from whom I can seek feedback. 

I’ve also had time to "apprentice" by learning from nonprofit leaders while serving on boards.

And these natural professional relationships can be the most rewarding in your life and can also lead to advocacy and sponsorship.

5. If you need to, ask for help 

Not every mentor should be someone with whom you are working directly. You need outside counsel. So occasionally, it’s wise to simply ask someone for help. 

This may be formal. Some people prefer to structure relationships — asking for quarterly meetings, for example. Or they may be more informal. Most of my mentors are people who connect with me more naturally at occasional breakfasts, or when I text or call for advice. 

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Most people want to help and will value these interactions. Some won’t have the time or interest — which is OK. You may ask someone and they may say no, and you should never begrudge them that. But never fear more intentionally reaching out.

6. Always express gratitude 

The primary thing you can do to hurt a mentorship relationship is to be transactional or rude. Your mentors don’t need anything from you. But they want to feel valued, respected and appreciated. 

When I’ve had mentees who never asked questions about me, never said thank you, or only reached out for immediate help I have often grown wary of the relationships. 

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Those mentees, meanwhile, who have taken the time to know me, have expressed gratitude, and have built a relationship with me have been a pleasure to engage with. Always focus on relationship. Always say thank you — verbally, or with a nice handwritten note. 

Adopt a mindset of gratitude.

7. Add a mentee for every mentor 

We should pay forward those gifts given to us. And if you are going to ask others to mentor you, you should take the time to mentor others.

As a rule of thumb, for every mentor you have, you should be acting as a mentor to at least one person. 

"A young professional can mentor an intern or be a big brother or big sister."

When I see people who constantly ask others for help and counsel, but aren’t investing in others, that is often a sign to me that they lack the maturity and humility of a more reflective leader. 

You can mentor others from a very young age. At my children’s school, for example, sixth graders are paired with younger students to guide them. College seniors can mentor first years or high schoolers. 

A young professional can mentor an intern or be a big brother or big sister. At any age and stage, there are those who could benefit from your investment in them. 

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And that investment will enrich you as well.

Mentorship can feel like a complex topic, but it doesn’t have to be. 

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With these seven simple steps, you can develop personally and professionally fulfilling relationships, and the wisdom to advance in your life and career. 

"On Purpose," John Coleman's newsletter, can be accessed here.