Financial secrecy among biggest red flags in a partner, Wells Fargo says

There are a variety of red flags to be wary of before settling down with a partner. 

Experts at Wells Fargo believe those red flags include a person’s finances — from how secret they are about their money and how they spend it — to how much debt they've incurred.

Although digging into this topic isn't first date material, it is something that couples should discuss as they embark on important milestones such as going on vacation, signing a lease, buying a home or getting married. 

The biggest red flag, according to Wells Fargo’s Advice & Planning managing director Emily Irwin, is financial secrecy. 

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Financial secrecy 

It's a major red flag if someone isn't willing to have a conversation about their finances or, when they do have it, is "hesitant to share all of the details about where they are in their life with respect to income," Irwin said. This includes how they spend their money, investing and even debt.

"All relationships are grounded in honesty, openness and truthfulness. And this is a major talking point as you move from some initial early stages of dating all the way into making a more serious — and permanent — commitment in the future, such as sharing expenses, comingling finances, joint ownership of assets, and marriage," Irwin said. 

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Income 

Talking about income is very important. However, income isn't necessarily indicative of someone's spending habits or how they manage their finances, according to Irwin. 

"You can have someone with an extremely high income who's actually incredibly frugal or maybe even bordering on what I call unattractive frugality," Irwin said. 

A good example of this could be an individual who doesn't tip those in the service industry, according to Irwin. 

On the opposite end, you could also have someone that has a high income but continually spends beyond their means, she added. 

"Maybe they're overly generous, but maybe they are doing it from a place of insecurity or even control," Irwin said. "And it might be that you don't want to be with someone who kind of has that aggressive of a risk tolerance with respect to, not only their finances, but maybe even other aspects of their life."

That's one reason why it's smart to dig into how someone interacts with his or her finances rather than just looking at the number on someone's paycheck, she continued. 

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Money used as a way to control someone 

You should also be wary if your partner is constantly paying for things or making all the big financial decisions.

Although this may seem generous, it can shift the balance of power in a relationship.

"It really is something where it gives that individual control of the relationship," Irwin said. 

If money is being used to control the decision-making, you may find that you have a "lesser voice in the relationship," Irwin added. 

She further noted that it's important to have conversations about you plan to pay for things whether that is equally or not, and what that means in respect to decision-making. 

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Pressures to keep up financially 

If someone is always going over the top, and they expect their partner to do the same, even if they can't afford to, then that's definitely a red flag, according to Irwin. 

Talk about debt 

It's important to talk about what debt you are bringing into the relationship. This could be student debt, mortgage, credit card or auto. It's also important to discuss your plan on paying it off. 

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It's important to have conversations about debt, income and expenses especially before potentially merging assets, Irwin explained.