Trouble at work with a colleague? How to defuse an argument before it escalates dangerously
Maintaining one's composure and decorum on the job is critical — here's what to know and what to do
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Disagreements in the workplace can happen despite everyone's best attentions.
They can also quickly escalate from a difference of opinion to a full-out argument — including shouting, name-calling and even demeaning language, according to career experts and others.
To reduce the likelihood that a workplace tiff doesn’t turn into a full-blown tantrum or anything close to that, it is key for everyone's well-being at work, as well as professional standing, to know how to defuse an argument, control emotions and keep a professional composure — even if you believe you’re right.
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Here's how to handle this challenging situation in the workplace.
Know the signs that an argument is escalating
Some situations can take mere moments for differing opinions to turn into a shouting match — and the first step in this decline is when co-workers effectively stop communicating.
"A surefire sign that an argument is escalating is when people stop listening to one another," Amy Morin, a psychotherapist in Marathon, Florida, and host of "The Verywell Mind" podcast, told FOX Business.
An office worker is shown eavesdropping in a cubicle room. When co-workers effectively stop communicating, a difference of opinion can quickly grow into something far more serious. (iStock / iStock)
"They raise their voices and begin talking over one another," she said — noting that both arguers will likely notice that their body language is shifting, too.
"They might stand up, point their finger, clench their fists or take a step closer to the other person," explained Morin.
"Most employers want employees who can manage uncomfortable emotions like anxiety and frustration."
"At that point, they have no interest in hearing what the other person is saying — and are [only] attempting to make their viewpoint heard."
Understand how an argument at work can impact you
If you lose your temper during an argument, particularly at work, it shows that you struggle to manage your emotions, said Morin.
"Emotion regulation skills are vital to most aspects of any job," Morin explained.
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"Most employers want employees who can manage uncomfortable emotions like anxiety and frustration, so that they can do their jobs even when they experience stress," she also said.
If you raise your voice or say things you shouldn't say during a disagreement, you're showing others that you have trouble making good choices when you experience an uncomfortable feeling, she underscored.
A group of businesspeople during a meeting. In the workplace, it is important to maintain a professional demeanor and control emotions, experts advise. (iStock / iStock)
"You may jeopardize your chances of getting a promotion — and you might not be held in high regard if you get into heated exchanges with other people at work," said Morin.
Know that winning an argument shouldn't be your goal
If your goal is to win the argument at any cost — including your composure, reputation and work image — tread carefully, experts warn.
"There is always a fine line as to which arguments are worth ‘winning’ and which are best to let blow over," Mia Rosenberg, a New York psychotherapist, told FOX Business.
"Erring on the side of caution of letting an argument blow over is likely the better choice in the workplace," she added.
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While there can be healthy debate in resolving conflict if the disagreement is over a specific work task or a client-related deliverable, Rosenberg said it’s always important to evaluate the implications of your stance, both positively and negatively.
If things get heated on the job, one expert recommends telling colleagues, "I am going to walk away so that this does not escalate." (iStock / iStock)
"There is a difference between standing [your] ground on something you know to be correct for a client and wanting to make sure you are being ethical — versus an argument that is not work-related happening within the workplace," she said.
Even if you are right in the argument, you can help yourself defuse the escalating situation by simply walking away and using a coping skill to help yourself feel less upset, she also said.
"Sometimes spelling out exactly how you are going to handle the situation on your end can help model to the other person involved do the same."
Rosenberg recommends saying to the other person, "I am going to walk away so that this does not escalate."
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She added, "Sometimes spelling out exactly how you are going to handle the situation on your end can help model to the other person involved do the same."
"Even if a win will feel better in the moment, it is likely that the argument and stress that got you the win will take that feeling away," she added.
Know when to bring in management
If there's an ongoing disagreement that affects your ability to do your job, don’t hesitate to bring in management, said Morin.
"If you're being bullied or harassed [on the job], it's important to talk to management about the issue," said one expert. (iStock / iStock)
"If you're being bullied or harassed, it's also important to talk to management about the issue," she added.
Other professionals advise going straight to the human resources department if a worker believes bullying or harassment is occurring.
Remember a key piece of advice about communication
To have a better chance of ending an argument at a simmer instead of letting it balloon into a full-out office conflict, it's best not to talk to other people about the disagreement, Morin recommended.
"While it can be tempting to go to your co-workers and try to ensure they're on your side, talking about it to more people just drags them into it," she cautioned.
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"Don't make disparaging remarks about the other person — and avoid passive-aggressive comments," she said.
"If someone tries to bring up the issue with you, and they weren't directly involved, refuse to discuss the situation," she advised.