You've just gotten fired. Here's how to forgive yourself and move on
Specific steps can help ease the sting — and get you back on the right track, say experts
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Most employment in the U.S. is "at will," meaning that an employer has the right to change or terminate a worker's employment agreement for any reason — with a handful of legal exceptions, according to TopResume.com.
Larger employers can be held to stricter mandates; but for most mid- to small-sized companies in the U.S., it's an "at-will" work arrangement, the same source noted.
While an employee's work arrangement can end in several ways, getting fired means that your employer terminated your job against your will, often for something you did wrong, TopResume.com also said.
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Among the factors: The quality of your work wasn’t meeting the company standard; you missed too many work days; or you hadn't met work objectives, the same site recounted.
If you’ve been fired, it can be a traumatic personal and career experience; however, it may have been out of your control.
Maybe the quality of your work wasn’t meeting the company standard; you missed too many work days; or you hadn't met work objectives. If you’ve been fired, it can be traumatic, but experts shared tips and insights. (iStock / iStock)
To move forward and forgive yourself for being let go, hiring experts revealed how to lose the guilt and look in the direction of your next work opportunity.
How can you move past the personal rejection?
People need to forgive themselves because it’s a crucial step in the healing process, Nicholette Leanza, M.Ed, LPCC-S, a psychotherapist at LifeStance Health in Beechwood, Ohio, told FOX Business.
"If they continue to persecute themselves for getting fired, it may become more difficult for them to learn from their mistakes and move toward self-improvement."
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In addition, to help move beyond the feelings of rejection and inadequacy, it’s essential for people to change the narrative about the firing, she said.
"Changing their mindset from beating themselves up to realizing that getting fired is not a reflection of one’s self-worth or capabilities is key," Leanza said.
"Once people can change that narrative to more of a growth mindset, that will nudge them toward self-forgiveness."
Why is a job firing traumatic? Is there a typical grief process?
Being fired often triggers a range of emotions such as feelings of rejection and failure.
For many people, a job represents not just a source of income — it can also make up a good chunk of their identity and purpose, said Leanza.
Getting fired sometimes carries a stigma that can leave people feeling embarrassed or ashamed, which can be further traumatizing and isolating. (iStock / iStock)
"This is why it can be so traumatic for a person. It can hit them at the very core of who they are," she continued.
"There also can be some social repercussions, too. Getting fired sometimes carries a stigma that can leave people feeling embarrassed or ashamed, which can be further traumatizing and isolating."
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People often go through a similar grief process, such as the stages of grief as outlined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.
Yet the intensity of the loss and how long it may last may vary significantly among people, Leanza pointed out.
The intensity of the loss and how long it may last may vary significantly among individuals.
A key part of the grieving process is acknowledging the sting of the loss, then pondering what it represents.
"After that, people will most likely have to change the negative things they're telling themselves about the firing and then shift their mindset to what they could learn from the experience," she added.
It’s also important to keep an eye on someone close to you who might have lost a job.
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"A sudden unexpected loss of income can be traumatic and it is normal to experience grief as a result," said Bradley T. Klontz, Psy.D., CFP.
Based in Boulder, Colorado, he is founder of the Financial Psychology Institute. He's also an associate professor of practice at Creighton University Heider College of Business in Omaha, Nebraska.
A loss of income can involve feelings of disbelief, anger, guilt and sadness, he said. "This is entirely normal, but if you start to experience significant anxiety, depression or sleep disturbance, it is important to see a mental health professional," Klontz added.
What are three steps to help build confidence back?
Leanza with LifeStance Health shared three things people can do following a job termination to build their confidence: reflect, recognize and reset.
Reflecting on the experience of what happened — not beating oneself up over the firing — and learning the needed lessons to move forward is key, she said.
Resetting to a more positive frame of mind and then tapping into your network to let others know you're searching for a job is a great way to start bouncing back. (iStock / iStock)
Next, recognizing one’s self-worth and that it does not have to be tethered to a job loss and firing is also important.
"People need to learn to let go of self-esteem being solely connected to a job," Leanza said.
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And, finally, resetting one’s mindset toward resilience and setting goals to help kickstart the job search process is imperative to building back one’s confidence.
Why is it important to forgive yourself?
To move on, self-forgiveness is necessary.
"People need to move on from the difficult experience," Leanza said.
"Setting a daily routine and schedule for yourself can also help you stay on track with your job-searching process."
"Continuing to persecute themselves because of the firing will only keep them stuck and feeling awful about themselves," she also said.
"Self-compassion is the foundation for forgiveness."
What are some other ways to bounce back?
Resetting to a more positive frame of mind and then tapping into your network to let others know you are job searching is a great way to start bouncing back, Leanza said.
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It’s also a good time to spruce up your interviewing skills and research the current hiring trends, particularly in your industry.
"Setting a daily routine and schedule for yourself can also help you stay on track with your job-searching process," added Leanza.
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Klontz of Creighton University also said it’s important to get back in the game as soon as you can.
He suggested that people "meet with someone like a career counselor — who can help you explore your interests and options and can help you do things like updating your resume."
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