Coronavirus-related legal tips on handling shared custody
Lawyer shares advice for parents navigating custody battles during COVID-19
Wall Street Journal opinion writer Jillian Melchior discusses why an increased number of couples split in January.
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Many topics have been discussed while the coronavirus has been classified as a pandemic, however, little has been shared about custody arrangements between divorced parents and how it relates to the welfare of children during these troubling times.
FOX Business was able to obtain tips from lawyer Katherine Miller of Miller Law Group, a legal practice that serves clients in New York City and Westchester County, New York. Here are six pieces of advice she shared for parents who are trying to navigate COVID-19 during separation.
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Over-communicate.
This is the time to over-communicate about your children and your plans. A very tight and coordinated co-parenting plan will make the whole family safer.
“I think that it's important to try to over-communicate all the time when your children, but a lot of times that's really hard to do when you're former spouses. So, I think that what we're really trying to do is avoid misunderstanding,” Miller shared, adding that it is even more imperative during a pandemic.
She recommends divorced parents as well as parents who are going through a divorce stay in touch through writing. Sharing clear plans will likely reduce conflict and keep households safe from infection.
For families that have doctors, nurses or emergency service workers, Miller stresses it is important to not penalize custody arrangements on either side, but it is also important to keep children healthy and safe.
“What seemed unreasonably restrictive and controlling three months ago seems appropriate today,” she noted.
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Use co-parenting apps.
If over-communication cannot be achieved between the two parents who have custody rights, Miller recommends using co-parenting apps to facilitate discussions. Some apps provide communication resources, while others even go as far as to adjust the tone of whatever the user is writing so negative intent can be avoided, Miller shared.
Two apps she finds herself recommending to parents the most are II Houses and Our Family Wizard.
Use virtual mediation.
Mediation is a common service law firms can provide for cases of divorce. However, given the state of the coronavirus pandemic, the service will more than likely need to be done virtually via video call instead of face to face.
“Mediation of any kind is to interrupt that conflict dynamic, really, and it allows people to hear each other and speak in a way that's more effective so they can reach a resolution,” Miller said. “People need assistance and many, many people do. And it doesn't mean that somebody is a bad person.”
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Maintain flexibility.
During this time of uncertainty, Miller says it’s important for parents to be as flexible as possible because custody agreements don’t necessarily align with local coronavirus orders issued by government officials. Finding a temporary yet mutually beneficial solution will help parents find a way to spend time with their children in a healthier way, she adds.
“So, let's say you had an arrangement where the children changed times every two days or three days. Maybe you wanted to do one week on one week off from maybe even two weeks depending obviously on the developmental ages of your children,” Miller provided as an example.
Other potential options may include video call substitutions, careful visitations that follow CDC guidelines or even cohabitation between the divorced parents if it’s manageable.
Prepare for the long term and proceed with caution.
Although tensions are running high due to the severity of the coronavirus, Miller warns both divorced and divorcing parents to not go overboard with behavior that can be perceived by a judge as manipulative.
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“When people are getting divorced or splitting up and dealing with their children, mistrust is just a general thing," she said. "Everyone deals with that, and at times can seem controlling. You can’t tell your ex-spouse, ‘Sorry. No, they’re never leaving my house.’ That is going to look poorly when you're in front of a court at a later date.”
Follow lockdown orders.
On the opposite end, Miller stresses it is important to follow lockdown orders.
“At the same time, if a parent is really cavalier about the lockdown or the government orders or the scientific caution and is just like, “No, I don't care. I'm going to get my kids anyway,’ it’s going to reflect badly until we learn more about what that virus can do to children. It’s really something to watch out for,” Miller explained. “If you're in a custody battle, you want to look like you are taking reasonable precautions.”
This may mean having to ensure children and other family members are avoiding public gatherings, churches and other crowded events or using personal protective equipment at all times.
She added, “You need to think about how your actions are going to look to someone who's making a decision about your parenting time with your children.”